Throwing stones

It can be a very big slap in the face when you realize you have no right to judge anyone.

We all like to judge. I mean, I sure do. Why? CUZ. It's FUN. Gives us (me) something to talk about so that I'm not always left wondering why I'm so effing boring (answer; I spend all my time with an infant).

I went to visit my sister today (groan). For some reason I actually thought it was a good idea to talk to her about my horrifically gigantic sex drive, and how I'm THISCLOSE to doing something skanky to relieve the need for intimacy.

Side note: if I did something whoreish I would totally post about it for you, internet. Don't worry, I tell all.

I should have predicted the lecture on morals that would come my way. I should have kept my frustrations to myself. Mrs. I've-only-had-intercourse-with-my-husband couldn't possibly understand the agony of 15 months of celibacy. Saying it clouds your judgment sounds like a cop-out, but I can say from experience that I can't really think straight. The down side to casual sex is becoming less and less apparent to me by the minute. For the time being, I have managed to keep it in my pants, but I'm not going to pretend it's easy.

After listening to how morally superior my sister is, and starting to feel terrible about myself, I realized something. This hoe ain't foolin no one! She was going down on women before I was! She was making out with people's girlfriends. She was fooling around with people's boyfriends. Granted, she was merely a teenager at the time...but it's not as if you get a clean slate just because there was no penile penetration. Who is she to judge me?

People in glass houses, yo.

I was contemplating this on the drive home (because you get a lot more thinking done in the car when you have no stereo system), and unfortunately it only made me feel worse.

See, I live in a glass house too. I have made so many bad decisions that I have probably forfeited my right to judge anyone. Like, ever. Which, I have to admit, is a huge bummer for me. Because of the aforementioned judgy-ness. But there is something awful about viewing your situation from the outside. Seeing myself the way others probably see me is somewhat terrifying, and makes for some serious self loathing. There are some mistakes that you can't ever take back.

I just wish that I knew how to freaking forgive myself already.