I wish I could say I know what I'm doing.
All I can say is that I'm feeling like I'm making the same mistakes. Since I was a child, the same crap over and over again.
Emotionally unavailable women. And men.
Considering casual sex (which, HELLO, sex? yeah...totally not casual).
Second guessing myself.
Self loathing.
I feel embarrassed and ashamed and....I feel like someone that I would not respect. And even though that should make me want to try harder and be better, I feel very much defeated right now.
I wonder why no one has ever loved me enough to treat me like they love me. Then I wonder if it's because I have never wanted anyone to treat me like I'm worthy of love because...I think part of me believes I'm just..not.
And I think that's majorly fucked up.
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First, let me say that no matter what you have done in your past, you are worthy of love and respect and I am certain that you will find it once you are more confident in yourself and what you want from a partner.
ReplyDeleteHave you every tried psychodynamic therapy? That might help you get to root of these feelings you have.
I'm sorry that you are feeling like this.
Thanks for taking the time to comment.
ReplyDeleteI've been feeling in need of therapy for quite some time now.
Getting to the root of it might be helpful. It's just one of those things that I can't talk to my family about because they make me feel like I should be able to just snap out of it. Then I get angry at myself because I can't.
Thanks so much for your concern.