Think I maybe have some issues? Yeah, ME TOO.
A couple weeks ago, I spend the day with her...we drive home, kids all asleep when we pull into her driveway and...there's a kiss.
Days later, kids take a nap, we cuddle up (bad idea). Within minutes her hands are on me, her mouth on my neck.
The Next day, a little playful kissing.
I cried all the way home because WTF am I doing? She's engaged and even though he has said he wouldn't mind us fooling around that is SO not my style. That is not what I want, and not what I need but she is magnetic and I feel like I can't think straight.
I wouldn't mind it if it weren't for the fact that kissing, sex, cuddling...it's all intimate. Even if I want it to be casual, It's not. I can already see myself being jealous and hurt because she doesn't want more than sex.
Most of the time it's fine. Those few events are small hiccups in our friendship...we spend most of our time together, and enjoy each others company immensely. But some nights (like tonight), I feel like things could be amazing if we were together.
That is the last thing I want to feel. And I'm hoping it's just loneliness. I'm hoping it's just an attraction, and nothing more. I can't keep getting submerged in these impossible relationships. I can't keep wanting people who don't love me, or don't treat me right...or both.
Really hope this attraction just wears off soon.
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