I have been bed-sharing for a little over 2 weeks.
I know....BAD mommy. Starting something at five months that a lot of kids are being weaned from by that point. Stupid habit to form, knowing that I don't want to continue doing it.
So it started off simple. I was exhausted around 8am when he woke up one morning, so I brought him to bed to feed him. We lay down to nurse and both fall asleep. He slept for 2 more hours and I'm like "HOLY CRAP that was fucking AWESOME!" But totally not something I'm comfortable with continuing to do (after all, why did I spend the money on that fancy monitor, just to sleep with my kid?).
But I'm tired all the time. Slowly, I started bringing him to bed with me earlier. I could keep him in the crib most of the night, but would eventually give up on trying to stay awake and transition him into his crib (where he will usually start screaming). The past 2 nights, I have ended up with him in bed with me before midnight.
BUT Y'ALL, THIS SHIT IS AMAZING! I don't have to stay awake when he's nursing, I don't have to deal with a crying baby in the middle of the night, I don't have to get out of bed...and snuggle time with my baby = completely awesome and wonderful. I'm feeling like I actually got some rest in the morning, and I get to wake up to him talking/grabbing/staring lovingly at me, which rocks my world.
But on the other hand, I don't want to have to deal with him getting attached to it, and having to wean him when he's older and has more memory/understanding of the situation. Every night for the past week, I have told myself that I'm going to stay awake and put him back in his crib to break the habit. But fuck (no, not butt fuck), I can't even express how much I REALLY don't want to go back to losing all that sleep.
But it must be done. *sigh* the position I have to sleep in to keep him safe is not good on my body, and my back hurts so bad I can hardly take a deep breath. I put my hands up to stretch it out tonight, and my arms started tingling. Now, I'm not an expert or anything, but I'm pretty sure that's a bad sign. I'm on a heating pad as I type, thankyouverymuch.
I'm trying to find the strength to go through with breaking the habit, no matter how little sleep I get. But if I wake up tomorrow with my baby in my bed...
well, I really won't be surprised.
What can I say? I like sleeping, yo.
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