A Mother's Love

There is a lot that I didn't understand before becoming a parent.

There is a lot that there is no way to understand, until you experience it.

When I was young, I remember my mom telling me she would die if anything ever happened to one of her kids. I always thought that was just something parents said...the thought never occurred to me that she would actually die. After all, she did have quite a few children, and we all needed her equally.

Looking at my son, I completely understand. Just the thought of something happening to him makes me feel as if my heart will stop beating in my chest. Never in my life could I have possibly imagined loving someone so fiercely. Never could I have imagined the absolute terror I feel at the thought of ever losing him. Nothing in the world could have prepared me for the fear, the love, the absolute and pure joy of being a mother to this wonderful creature.



There is pain in life...it comes from all directions. God knows it's not easy, being single, being a mom, being a friend, a daughter, a sister, a woman....and yet, there is the very real sense that as long as my son is okay, I will be too. Although I know I can still be hurt, and feel the pain of loss, failure, confusion...a broken heart...it is all put into perspective when I look at my little boy.

Every morning I wake up to him whimpering, whining, talking or blowing raspberries in his crib. I turn on the light, smile at him and say "hi" and the smile I get in response makes every morning perfect. The half hour that I spend each morning, nursing, changing, playing and snuggling him before we're up and moving is the absolute best part of every single day. There aren't words out there to describe the bliss of holding him, his head resting on my shoulder and his tiny body seeming to mold into mine. I feel like the luckiest woman in the world.