As these things tend to do, the situation came to a head.
As if being in love with your best friend isn't hard enough, she had to go and make me talk about it. And even though she was so easy to talk to before, I couldn't find the words to say "I wish that I didn't love you so much that it hurts."
Because really. Who says that?
The decision is that we will put up some reasonable boundaries so that we can still spend time together...because the option of not speaking to each other anymore is just, well...not an option.
And I feel like I just did this. Like I'm ALWAYS trying to get over loving someone...which is honestly completely dramatic because including her, I have really only felt like this twice. But I'm an ass, and it literally took me years to get over the last one.
But the idea of having to move past it...just the thought of the pain I've already been dealing with, and knowing for a fact that I'm in for more...it makes me feel exhausted. I know that I will get over it, I know things will eventually be better, but I also know that there's no way to just skip over the hard parts. I am not a fan of just letting things run their course.
I would like a little control, please. I would like a way to turn emotions off when they're of absolutely no use to anyone.
And if I'm being perfectly honest, I would like to lie with her again, and kiss her and have her hold me. "One last time" sounds like heaven when compared to "never again."
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